Ross Climbing

Blitzclimbing

I am sorry to gloat but while it was 33C in Perth it was 24C in Margaret River today. The climbing conditions at Wyliabrup could not be more perfect and I was there with Rob "Escalade" Wall to take advantage of this. Not only has this bloke been climbing for 26 years but he still absolutely kicks ass.

We decided to go for endurance instead of projects. In 7 hours we climbed 10 routes and 12 pitches, graded from 14 to 23. The easiest routes we soloed - Rob did Fat Crack (15) and I did Hope (14), in what was probably my best experience of the day. I have done Hope ropeless before but it was quite a miserable nervous experience. This time I did not raise my pulse and loved every foot of it, which is the proper style for this kind of thing I recon.

Only the last two climbs stretched us: Rob huffed a bit on Mobjob (21) and I huffed a lot seconding Rape & Pillage (23). Kudos to Rob who onsighted it in great style! I onsighted it years ago and RP'd again in 2008.....will have to do some more repeats as this route deserves doing!! ...... but would generally want to be a lot fresher than having 10 pitches already in me...

Back in Perth at 7pm, wasted. What a super day!

When in Doubt, Traverse!

Lots of doubts can be accommodated at Blackwall Reach, as traversing is the name of the game. Yesterday I attempted a traverse of the entire cliff, along with Nostromo, Pistol Pete and Ishmael. This traverse starts at the jumpy roof where everyone goes (where we went around the lip) and continues from there going westwards to the very last piece of limestone, the hardcore roofs at the Fremantle end.

This is about 300m of going sideways! Along the way we did three easy solos in the large bay on the impressive 10m headwall (the tide was in so the landing was deeper than usual), this is where people normally turn around and go back to start. We then tackled the sandy roof on the right side of the same large bay. It is truly rank to start off with but solid rock is reached when it gets hard. We then kept going through some interesting territory of little strenuous moves across small bays. In the end we piked 12m from the very end and topped out, as the end is the crux..... with the compulsory heel hooking and palming on sweaty limestone a bit beyond us one and a half hours down the track. The piking also kept us dry for the pub, not sure if we would get in if we smelled of seaweed and dripped with water, although at the Tradewinds, who knows?....as it was we just smelled of and dripped with sweat....

It was a good challenge and I may well be back in cooler weather and with a chalk bag to re-try it!

 

Another Year

I have been remiss in blogging. Much has happenned and not much time to write. There was the CAWA BBQ, Santa Claus came (so I must have been good), the end of year trip to Esperance and Albany was productive. I wrote the new Cape Le Grand Miniguide.... I love the place. Thank goodness it is 800 km from Perth. I dislike popular crags (or "secret squirrel" ones).

Last year I managed what I set out to do: redpointed a couple of 24s, ponied up the Matterhorn and Mt Blanc in the Euro Alps, did a few renos around the house and managed to remain reasonably healthy through it all. The kids have gotten a bit taller again and Clara now plays violin. I have started mending a few things that I have broken.

This year the plan is similar. A few days at Araps over Easter. SpunOut in late Easter. A winter trip to the cracks of Frog in QLD. Some more technical climbing of less known mountains in the Alps. A couple more 24s, maybe Inner Tension at Chch and Running with the Bulls at MQ or To Bolt or Not to Be, although that one is hard to work, being on top of Mount Randall. Needs a cold winter day too. I probably need to renovate less, relax more, and get some core strength going to fix my back. Other than that one, life is good. All relies and extended family seem to be flourishing. Now I have a new laptop to setup and a movie camera to play with, so I hope you dont mind when I whip it out at events.

Another year, yahoo!

Slides from "How to Climb in the Euro Alps" Presentation

The talk I gave at Rosie's two weeks ago was well attended. It was gratifying to see some 25 adventurous people turn up. Many thanks to Tom Marshall and NZAC for organising and promoting it.

The faint, overheating overhead projector was a bit of a trial as it would cut out after 15 minutes.......but after a pint of beer I was not going to be stopped by anything!

I saw that some people were taking notes, so have uploaded the slide pack....not the photographs but the part about how to climb in the Euro Alps. Link is here. Next seasons kicks off in June!

Reel Risk

The Reel Rock movie show made it into Perth tonight. Kindly organised and presented by Rockface, for once we had a movie festival unpolluted by mountain biking and kayaking. Yay! The main theme  seemed to be "crazy dudes". CRAZY DUDE #1 found a Canadian cave covered with ice stalactites, bolted it one year, then came back next year to find the bolts with a metal detector, clean out all the free hanging death ice and tool it to the top doing figure fours in fruit boots.  CRAZY DUDE #2 buddied up with some two frozen brained buddies and climbed Gasherbrum II in the middle of winter, in -40C temperatures and high winds. CRAZY DUDE #3 wobbled his way across a 100metre slackline above a 300metre abyss, without a security rope, naked, and then base jumped off. CRAZY DUDES #4 and 5 speed climbed The Nose in 2 hours and 45 minutes, shaving a whole 20 seconds off the previous record. CRAZY DUDE #6 makes a living teaching a 9 year old child how to climb bouldering comps and V12 in Hueco Tanks...she just needs to stop crying when her fingers hurt.

Hey, there just could be a common thread there. Like, someone is trying us to get all motivated to rush out and kill ourselves, and others, which is actually not very commercially astute as the only good customer is a live customer! What happenned to the olden days of mags pumping out reams of pages about clipping bolts on ultra safe 5.14s? Or toproping gritstone to death and then soloing it? (called "headpointing")

Or maybe this was just about expanding our horizons...or to make us feel inadequate....or to motivate...or to destroy...or to whatever, take whatever the fuck you want out of it. Life does not need to have a deeper meaning. Just do it. You may die a bit sooner, but you know what? You'll die anyway. Crazy, no?

Blow Job @ Wilys (with Paella)

Let's start from the beginning. The maddening CAWA crowd invaded the Marg River area and Wilyabrup sea cliffs for the annual crag bash, with a force of some 20 fit and good looking people, and me. The star attraction was Manuel (not from Barcelona) the Paella chef, who not only cooked up a great meal on Saturday night while wearing surgical gloves, but also provided great entertainment in the process. The meal was cooked on a massive hotplate, powered by twin turbo gas bottles which fed an all consuming triple ring of fire under the plate. On top of the plate sizzled calamari, mussels, rice, veges, tomato sauce and the rest of paella. If eyes could eat I would be full before the spoons came out. Yum!

I was climbing with Pistol Pete on this weekend. On Saturday we knocked off a few warm-ups incl the brilliant Totally Awesome (19) and then did Washed Up Punks (23) - basically an easier version of Heavy Metal. After this we set to work on toproping Blow Job (24), a subtly named Richardson discovery left of the second pitch of Mobjob. Undoubtedly the name refers to the ever present breeze. It is a vertical face climb with a few strategic slopers and contingent on delicate footwork. On Sunday we set to work on trying to redpoint the thing: I fell off the crux first, then Pete did, then I did again (this time screaming impolitely), then Pete sent it. Bastard. I jelaously scurried up to the top and refuelled on gummy dinosaurs, then lay comatose on the rock for 30 minutes trying not to think about it while sugar circulated into my forearms. Pete then shook me awake and told me to get on with it so I did and sent on my third attempt, this time with a modified crux sequence involving a thumb press into a side-hold. I have never done anything like this before but it kept me perfectly balanced to reach the after-crux jug. I wobbled through the appaling two finger "traverse hold" and topped out screamed again, this time with joy. Another 24! Not that I care about numbers of course ...... :)

It was good to see Owen getting some action back on the rock, after his soloing accident last year. They did some climbing with Kate who made the crux of Heavy Metal (24) look like it was not there. However, I thought Eric was the star of the weekend, only his second trip to Wilys and he onsighted Fat Chance (20), Mobjob (20) and Stainless Steel (21)....that is some effort!! Unfortunately he is leaving us for a work stint in the Land of the Septic Tank. Bummer. There goes my Sunday night bouldering buddy :( Thanks to Tony for organising the paella and thanks to Wally for the car park beer....the timing could not be better :) Paella pics here.

The Land of the Franks

Two weeks ago the CAWA flea circus (of about 12 people) headed to Mt Frankland, the abode of the hideous slab which is either slimey wet or fryingly hot. The weather threatened to dump but for once, Odin delivered and conditions were good, Special K even, not too heavy, not too light, just right. Due to a lack of empty campsites we all clustered in the middle of the Fernhook Falls campground, which worked out just fine. Main highlights, in no particular order:

• MacPacChik (nee Tigervet) cooked for both evenings, Kelly washed to dishes, I sat by the fire with the men. Things were as they should be, in their natural order.
• Mmmm, home made caramel slices. Evil but nice.
• Eric the Fireman tirelessly stoking the fire.
• Ishmael (Richard) bravely leading up Saracen (19). To get to it you have to climb the crux of Hannibal (20), so go figure the grades....
• Kyles' growing bump:....so your sister is a yoga instructor? ...........help meeee!!
• There is only one Brian.......he can climb sport 28 but also enjoys leading grade 16 slab and long abseils.
• Brian the Scavenger (the dinner version of Brian the Versatile). "You have spare food, yes?"
• Braveheart (lets not use the real name) getting stuck 1m above the ground when his absail rope came short. Rescued by MacPacChic and Bob Gnarly who told him to climb the fuck down.
• Francis tolerated his way throug Day One, whinged through Day Two and hated Day Three, despite of being named after the mountain (almost). Yeah, slabs.
• Kelly's swan song. Back to the land of the unhappy seals.
• Mario.....something funny always happens with Mario but clearly I was not present this time.
• Walley...I have retrieved your carabiner and bolt plate :)
• me taking two hangs on P2 of Hannibal (20) and one on Butterfingers (20). Considering I have spent the last 2 months in the climbing gym I was glad I could still "speak slab" at all. Onsighted the very long Matt and Jim route L of Hannibal with the even longer name. Did the whole thing in one 60m pitch, with a few small cams for protection and belay. Nice climb.

pics here

Green Valleys

This is the time of the year to head to the green valleys of the Perth hills. The weather is still cool, the brooks are running, the grass is green, and it all smells of life and spring, with the odd tick thrown in for good measure.

10 days ago I headed to Wungong valley with the CAWA mob and kids, and there we toproped Gully Route (11) and Middle Line (13). My 6yo Thomas did a toprope graded at twice his age, what a boy! Even went for a splash with Dad in the dam afterwards.

Last weekend  I headed to my crag at Baldwins Bluff, 'tis hard to believe that I bolted those routes 14 years ago. Time flies when yer having fun (or not). Tigervet and I did all the routes, with the rest of CAWA sleeping off the Halloween Party. Even Heat Seeker (20) went, although not without some frigging around the devious crux. I pulled out the old rusty piton at the start of Come On, Pilgrim (16) with my hands and chucked it in the forest. It can be replaced by some equalised small RPs..... I think a zero is pretty essential....or some courage. This gem of a crag seems little visited these days, although all the routes can be toproped. The leading requires much more balls than the quarry bolt ladders though, and bold men are hard to find these days. Did the Matt a Jim 19 also, and it is very good except for the first bolt being a bit low for comfort (when above it). Tigervet did a good job leading the two 15s, neither of which are exactly overprotected, although Elvis got hold of her leg on the last climb of the day :)

Cheese

It is a well known fact that cows are machines for converting grass into milk. In the Alps they are large, free-range and cranky beasts, which is why they come equipped with large deafening bells. These serve the same purpose as those on fire engines, and although cows move slower they are just as unstoppable. Just ask Neil what happenned to him when we decided to loiter nearby and how shortly later he got run over by a cow.

While stuck in a crowded hut, I sampled the opinion of a small sample of the Swiss population regarding their local milk products. Both agreed on two things:
(1) the best chocolate is Toblerone, as it tastes good and does not melt in your trouser pocket. The latter statement may not stand the test of the Aussie summer though; and being female, the Swiss population sample also would not know how the inconveniently pointy triangular shape scratches my nuts.
(2) the best time to consume cheese is summer, as this is when the cows eat fresh grass (not hay) and run over tourists, both of which improve taste.

Which brings us to cheese. On the climbs we did I found it to be the most desirable food, and per pound of weight it quashed hunger like nothing else, edging out even Snickers and Mars bars. "Emmentaler" is not only tasty but you can clip a carabiner through it for convenience.

When off the climbs we found that cheese features highly in local restaurants, mostly arranged somehow with bread. In fondue, cheese arrives melted in a dish on top of a little solid fuel fire which keeps it melted, accompanied by a side bowl with chunks of bread. Several cheeses or "blends" can be chosen from. A long fork is used to impale a bread chunk, bathe it in the cheese and then transport it to the mandibles while taking care not to make any unsightly white stains on your trousers. Raclette is slightly less challenging and recommended as an introduction to cheese-based dining. It is basically one half of a baguette which is flooded with cheese on top. There is a cowardly side salad which clearly detracts from the purity of the coronary assault. White wine can be used to thin the cheese in vivo.

With such fare, one would think that the local Alpine folk would be rolling down the hillsides on their fat asses and getting them stuck in ravines but....well, I would not know what the locals look like as the Alps seem almost fully populated by tourists only....who have the option to go from pattiserie to boulangerie to bratwurst, to fondue, to raclette........and then to their detox diet back at home. Taking large 400g slabs of Toblerone with them.

The airport beagle looked rightly worried.

 

Chamonix Rock

After all the snow slogging we were up for some fun easy rock climbs:

On 15 Sep we climbed the classic Arete des Cosmiques (230m elev, AD, 2.5hrs), now connecting the new Cosmiques Hut to the Aiguille du Midi cable car.  We simulclimbed most of the route as it is mostly not more than a scamble. Only about 20% of it we belayed, including the short crux that goes at Aus gr.14....interesting enough in boots and at 3700m elevation. There was very little snow and ice and we only donned our crampons for a 30m section at the 3rd tower. The best part of the route is the last 50m, very exposed climbing on the north side of the ridge. The route conveniently tops out at a tourist viewing platform!

On 16Sep we caught the cable car to Le Brevent, a 2500m ridge on the opposite side of the Chamonix valley. A 15min walk (short!) brought us to the start of the Voie Frison-Roche (220m, 5 pitches, 6a, 2.5hrs), a tame but enjoyable bolted climb. The last 3 pitches were excellent, on solid rock, with the gr.18 crux on P4 quite taxing. Last pitch was a superb 55m long corner crack at gr.17 and boy did it go on forever..... We arrived at the top quite puffed from trying to bolt up at this altitude. There are many other climbs in this area but we have had enough and it was back to Cham and raclette for dinner. C'est fini.

Mont Blanc

Size matters. Even when it comes to mountains. Everybody knows that Mt Everest is the biggest hill.., so what is the second one then?.......OK, so it is K2. What is the third one then? .....see, now yer stuffed.

The highest mountain in the Alps is Mont Blanc. But you knew that. Not only is it quite big but it is still growing. It used to be 4807m high, but latest measurements show it at over 4810m. It is also quite different from our other exploits. The Eiger has one famous chossy face, a couple of decent low angle ridges, that's it. The Matterhorn is a pointy pyramid built by Kodak. Mont Blanc is like an ice cream cup stuffed with too many scoops, all round and kind of piled haphazardly on top of each other.

Neil and I headed to it like a couple of hungry wasps.

We started from the second last staion on the Mt Blanc tramway from St Gervois (Mont Lachat)....not for any sporting reasons but because the tunnel to the last station was being repaired. This gave a starting altitude of 2077m. The walk up was tedious, along chossy slopes, with no views.  A classic uphill slog. After three hours of this we arrived at the Tete Rousse hut at 3187m. This is a great hut, only 14Eu per night for alpine club members (-50%), roomy accommodation, pleasant host with attempts at witty humour. I taught Neil to play Spit (a card game) and he promptly thrashed me.

Next day (14 Sep) we got out of the hut at 4:30am. Straight away we had our greatest stuff-up, somehow in pitch black darkness missing the track across the Grand Couloir and instead scrambling up a super chossy shoulder on its left (wrong) side. We eventually realised our mistake and got to the GC. There was no sign of any rockfall as the thing did not live up to its reputation. We then scrambled up the arete on the GC's right (correct) side. If one stuck with the highest spine of the arete then the rock was clean and solid, if occassionally adorned with unnecessary steel cables. On either side of the spine things were chossy. We arrived at the infamous Gouter Hut at 6:30am, just as it was getting light. Here we discarded helmets and lights and put on crampons. It was 1000m of elevation gain from here to the summit, all snow slopes with no rock. A moderate cold tail wind was blowing at 20-30km/hr. We climbed all the way to the summit unroped, Neil with ice axe and me with my two walking sticks. It was all a bit the same, with false snowy summits and endless snowy slopes, counting footprints and sucking in the thin air. The ridge got progressively steeper until a very steep and airy section led to the undistinguished summit. Summit video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXyZAFIOR4s

It was 10:30am and blowing a gale at some 50km/hr, so we did not linger and started descending to the Aiguille du Midi below which lies the Cosmiques Hut. For the first half of the descent there was a strong crosswind from L to R, which made me wish for a balaclava to stop my face from freezing. We then abseiled down from a snowy col just west of Mont Maudit. This got us out of the wind and into a clusterf**k of of about 20 incompetent ascending climbers (some of them 8 people tied to one rope). We had to carefully abseil over the top of them. Apparently this mountain does attracts beginners with grandiose ambitions, according to Neil's guidebook....and now our own experience. If it is like this in the off-season, I would hate to be there in August.

The descent from Mount Blanc du Tacul then consisted of steep zig-zagging among crevasses, this time roped up and fully awake. This brought us to the Col du Midi at 3500m from where it is a short (but at this stage quite vicious) 80m climb to the Cosmiques Hut. The whole summit traverse from the Tete Rousse hut to the C hut took 10 hours. Cosmiques Hut was chockers with guided beginners, offered no discounts as it is not run by CAF (Club Alpin Francaise) but privately, and the host was an unpleasant prick whom I had to get a bit nasty with to get a dinner table. The food was excellent though, the usual 3-course alpine fare of soup, polenta/pork and sweet. Accommodation, dinner and breakfast cost 53E. We went to sleep happy. The last big hill was done. I have now climed the 1st, 2nd and 5th highest mountains in the Alps (Mont Blanc, Dufourspitze, Matterhorn). Will need to fill the gap with Dom and Weisshorn.....and probably do something more technical also. Pics here. 

Matterhorn

In the world of fast-disappearing internet cafes (equipped with computers as opposed to BYO laptop or smartphone), it is increasingly more difficult to blog-as-I-go. So now that I am back @ home, here will be some catch-up blogging of the events from the last 10 days or so.

This post will be about the Hornli Ridge (AD-, 2000m gain from Schwarzsee). On the 9 Sep we caught a cablecar from Zermatt up to Schwarzsee, return ticket costing CHF24 with our Swiss Half Fare Pass. From there we ascended the steep zigzags to the Hornli Hut in 1:45hr. HH has no running water of any sort (you cannot even wash hands after going to the loo), like most alpine huts, and I had to buy 3L of water for CHF16 (about AUD20)...what a monumental ripoff!! Also accommodation costs CHF35, even with alpine club membership. This hut really sucks.... super expensive and very crowded.....but we knew that it would as this is one of the two most crowded routes in the Alps....at least we were in the off-season.

More importantly, on 10 Sep was the Matterhorn summit day! We got up at 5am along with the other 40 aspirants, most of them with mountain guides (unlike Neil and me) and got out of the door at 5:40am, in pitch black darkness.

We followed a guide who knew the way, by far the smartest strategy as the route snakes all over the place and finding it in the dark is not easy. There was a lot of scrambling, in fact the whole climb is one gigantic scramble, mostly along scree slopes, minor buttresses and along the main and subsidiary ridges. After 3 hours and some waiting behind slower parties at bottlenecks we arrived at the Solvay bivouac hut. This is where we put on crampons. The section above Solvay is considerably more difficult, with snow, ice and many fixed ropes and with exposure on the ridge and on the final headwall. Without the fixed ropes and metal stakes spaced out every 20-30 metres this would be a stiff climb. One can see why the first ascent party in 1864 strayed onto the North Face, away from the ridge....and had a hideous accident there where 1 person slipped and 4 people died. The going is easier there but also more exposed and dangerous. After 5hrs from the start we passed the black statue of St Bernard and stood on the summit at 4478m. Hurray! We have climbed the Hornli Ridge, the most beautiful line in the world up the most iconic mountain in the Alps. It took 1250m of elevation gain from the hut and 2000m elevation from the cable car, the route being graded AD. It was a clear sky day with perfect views in all directions, very different from our experience on the Eiger.

We spent 1/2 hour on th summit taking pictures and eating, the descent took 5 hours, same as the ascent, with several abseils required. This is a great route up a great mountain and was a fantastic experience. The most awkward part of the route was the final headwall where some parties were descending while others were going up....all on the same fixed rope. But with some consideration and deference it all worked out OK. In the evening we bought dinner at the Hornli Hut and slept, or tried to sleep in a crowded and stuffy dorm on the third floor. Good for further acclimatisation through. The next day we dropped down to Zermatt and caught a train to Chamonix, France where another big mountain awaited.

pics: top - Hornli Ridge from approach, bottom - Neil and me on summit at 10:45am

Not the Eiger but Jungfrau

We gave the Mittelegi Integrale (D, 2400m gain) on the Eiger a good shot. Did the via ferrata to Ostegg Hut (2300m) on Saturday (3hrs), one day after arriving to Switzerland. OH is the plushest unattended hut in the Alps. On Sunday we climbed to the Mittellegi Hut (3300m)in light rain and on wet rock, in 9 hours. There were a few pitches of actual rock climbing which made me don rock shoes....it was still interesting with a 16kg pack. Lots of scrambling on chossy rock and balancing on knifeblade ridges, some abseils into clefts...all quite interesting but dry rock and some visibility would have been a better. On Monday morning we were going to go for the summit but were greeted by sleet, wind and 10m visibility. Damn. The weather foresast we were given was shit, the site to use is meteoschweiz.ch ...now we know. We descended to the Eismeer train station instead (3 hours), climbed the 15m up to the door above the glacier and caught the train up to Jungfraujoch....for free. Jungfraujoch is a bit of a tourist zoo so we quickly headed to the Monchsjoch Hut for the night. A typical germanic land lady, with no smile and no running water.

On Tuesday the weather was clear so we climbed the entire South East Ridge of the Jungfrau (PD+, 850m gain) to 4150m altitude, our first summit. The round trip took 7 hours, which was quite good considering this was our 4th day climbing in a row. Blue skies, great visibility, for once both me and Neil had fun. We even got to use two ice scews on the iced up ramp that gains the bottom of the SE Ridge.

We have now transferred from Grindelwald to Zermatt and are having 2 days rest before the Matterhorn. Beer and chocolate are cheap but watches are expensive. Lots of people with funny clothes in the street.

 

To the Alps Again

I am heading back into the Alps. This time the main targets are the Mittellegi Integrale on the Eiger (starting in Alpiglen and finishing at the Jungfraujoch) and the Hornli Ridge or alt., the Zmutt Ridge (see how we feel) on the Matterhorn. I can pratt on about climbing and these routes but instead I will just share some words of wisdom from the climber I admire the most, a certain hairy Tyrolean:

...for me climbing must contain three elements: difficulty, danger, and most importantly, exposure.

Our instincts as humans are slowly dimming the less time we spend in wild nature...... Climbing is an important and sacred opportunity for us to exist in situations we faced a hundred thousand years ago. The animalistic side of human beings.

I did not become successful in my field because I'm bigger or more intelligent than others. No, I became successful because I had the willpower to fail, and to try again, again, and again.

Neil and I will certainly try. We will be animals, with the elements. We will push what we know and what we can do to the very edge but not beyond, as that is where darkness lies. Should I fail, I will return, as long as I can.

City Summit

It seems that the wait for the third gym is not going to be long, with the City Summit gym scheduled to open up in Malaga in October. Keep an eye out on the CAWA gyms page for more information. This was all unveiled at the CAWA social night last week so is in the public domain.

Ugh....and in my recent review of gyms histories I have forgotton Stonehenge - the shipping container based outdoor structure that used to adorn the Claremont Showgrounds....so CS will be gym number nine!!

Creative Anguish

I love covers. In the case of "Jolene" Mr White takes what is already a tortured song by Dolly Parton and rips it into painful little pieces. It takes some balls to do this as the lyrics are clearly written to be sung by a woman!! This is in keeping with his motto that if you don't have a struggle you should make one! Rite on....sure keeps boredom at bay. See the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePnoUv7qSCA.

I got inspired after I just watched the movie "It Might Get Loud". Yes it might. In fact, it will.

Stirling Ridge Circuit

I've grown tired of the Perth rain, so noticing that the Saturday forecast for the Stirling Ranges was good, I headed down there. The idea I've had for a while was to do the Stirling Ridge Walk, but as a circuit. The circuit would start at the BK car park, include all of the summits on the ridge finishing on Ellen Peak, then descent to the northern boundary fire break, go west until under the BK road, then bushbash to the BK road and follow it up to the carpark. A mere 34km, but half of it in pretty rough terrain.

I arrived on Friday at 10:30pm and slept in the car at the Bluff Knoll carpark. I started up at 6:40am, just as it got light. Soon I got into the cloud and remained in it for the next 4 hours. It was blowing a gale and visibility was about 20 metres. This was not really an issue as I had a GPS and have done the walk 3 times before....still, I got a bit off route descenting the East side of the Bluff. Things were wet and slippery, real winter conditions, but no rain.

All went swimmingly as I bagged the major peaklets along the way: Isongerup (10:40am), all three Arrows, Bakers Knob and Pyongoorup (1:35pm). From Isongerup on the weather was clear, still blowing a gale but no cloud. I could see! There were a few eagles soaring above. On the descent from Pyongoorup I noticed a medium pain in my knees, which was having the disabling effect of not letting me move them much. Not a good sign. Still, I summitted Ellen Peak at 2:15pm.

Descending the steep East side of EP was hell - trying to descend without able to bend knees is a bit tricky. When I finally got to the tree line I made a couple of walking sticks and also chemically enhanced myself with some ibuprofen pills to kill the by now strong pain. I reached the north firebreak (where the EP trail starts, with some signs) at 16:44. It took me two and a half hours to descend Ellen Peak, at least an extra hour there! Crap. From the tee junction I hobbled off westwards into the setting sun, then a small rainstorm passed. The iPod my kept spirits up. It got dark and out came the headlamp and GPS again. I turned left back towards the range along an old trail and shortly afterwards followed a 4km bushbash (no trail, again much fun with knackered knees but the sticks were helping) to gain the bitumen road to Bluff Knoll. At 8:37pm I was back at the BK carpark, almost 14hrs after I started. The main learning was to bring trekking poles....with healthy knees I recon I can crack 12 hours next time.

Mount Mattress

A very small and undoubtedly temporary feature has sprung up at the gates of The Hangout, a small hill made of discarded mattresses. Not quite steep enough for climbing, it should delight any visiting kid. The interior, now bereft of bedding, has been repaved with gymnastic mats. Apparently it all conforms to Australian Standards, is Made in Australia, and cost roughly several million cents. Expect fewer sommersaults by school children due to no springs and much harder surface, fewer sore asses due to falling into the gaps, and some misguided attempts to steal a part of the new matworks as a bouldering pad.

The next third gym?

The climbing gym is closed, long live the new climbing gym! Well, not yet.

The first part is correct: the Adventure Out Climbing Gym, also known by its previous name Urban Ascent, has closed its doors last week. This means that Perth is down to two gyms, Rockface and The Hangout. How long will it be before we have a third gym? Perth has always had three gyms (or more), ever since it got up to that number with The Overhang, Get Vertical in Ozzie Park, Pascal Camison's WA Climbing Gym and Rob Wall's Escalade some 13 years ago. None of these are open any more. The Overhang struggled on for the longest, moving location, becoming dusty and "events only" as the better venues of The Hangout and Rockface opened up, changing management, then packed it up. The Hangout and Rockface had the place to themselves for a while, then Urban Ascent/AOCG multiplied the options for four years. Then the lease ran out. And so there are two, again.

Clearly, there is space for another gym. There seems to be no shortage of customers as The Hangout was very busy last night, although not packed to the rafters as the owners had the good sense to turn several bookings down to keep the place safe and sane. There seems to be a whole new crowd these days, climbers who are not at all interested in outdoor climbing and see the plywood cathedrals as a good place to meet, chat, boulder and pick up a date in a well lit, sober and safe environment. Looking at the other options, why not?

A brief look at any map will show where there are no gyms nearby, so that would be the logical place to put a new one: Freo/O'Connor...the leafy suburbs...Ozzy Park...somewhere along Albany Highway (with bravery). Now all it needs is someone with some enhusiasm, creditworthiness and a hard work ethic to make it happen. Fingers crossed here, I am waiting to sample my 8th Perth gym.

Living the Dream

I had a dream (climb). The first time I got on it, in Mountain Quarry around '98, I was so hopeless I had to dog every move from about half way up. I resigned myself that it was the sort of thing I could never do. I was too heavy, too weak, too...whatever.

All the same, every year I would return and give it another go, getting a bit less hopeless. In '03 I could do a clean toprope but I was too chicken to lead it. Peter was not too chicked and he did lead it, picking up the scalp. Oh jealousy. Then it got covered in shotcrete, courtesy of DEC. Then I went overseas for a few years, got a bit older.

Some kinds of dreams get further out of reach as one gets older and so it became clear that if I was going to live THIS dream, it better be soon. So when the weather cooled I jumped onto it, zipping up and down it with my trusty chest ascender. Over three Fridays I unlocked a series of its secrets: rests, holds, moves, clips. I also trained for endurance.....I must not get pumped on this thing.

Today I was ready. Well....my head and arms were ready, my legs were knackered from running up Jacob's Ladder on Friday, ten times with an 11kg backpack in 43 min. Mmmmm, overtraining equals sore quads.

The weather looked a bit dodgy but fortune favours the foolish. The first try went pretty well until I got to the ledge below the right undercling at the top. I dithered, then I tried to crank down with my cramping thigh to stand up, and it was too late. Aaargh.

Back on the ground I thought about it. Chill out. Maybe not today. I did some tutoring to Eric who had his first go on the route, and was as puzzled as me on my first go. Actually, E did rather well....and is young. No sweat dude....you still have many happy returns ahead of you, ha, ha....

Try two. Up the loose blocks. Clip first bolt. Left into dirty corner, stand up on ledge to right. Clip. Easy face to slot and bolt. Left, then right, long reach to ledge. Clip. High right step, sidepull, clip. Right crimpy sidepull, very long stretch to sloping ramp, clip. How do short people get over this? Up microramp to top, right hand to flat ledgy thing, left hand to sidepull. Left leg up, crank on left foot. Pause, clip. Stand up with GREAT difficulty, very low left undercling, rest. 4 metres to go. Up on glued holds, right foot to microscopic edge, left foot to good edge, ready-set-launch. Yeah, got the top jug. Clip, clip. Done. I SCREAM with joy. For a long while.

I may have done seventeen 24s before, but now I have lived the dream, Star Wars (30m, 24). What a great route! What a battle!! I celebrated by redpointing Urban Ethics (22). A wonderful Sunday. Thank you, Eric.

Movements

The Adventure Out Climbing Gym is closing on 20 June due to lease not being renewed. Savvy home wall builders will have no doubt started scouting as to what will happen to all the plywood and resin.

Gareth of The Hangout must be wringing his hands with joy as this can be only good news to him, being about 2km away and in direct competition. To celebrate the news, The Hangout have remodelled the interior and installed an enormous Gatorade'n'Mars Bar dispenser. We now have a 360 degrees sales island and Karl has lost his juggling stage.The pokies should arrive soon.

The third gym Rockface is not closing or remodelling, but continues to offer excellent bouldering. I can recommend the purple V3 that starts at the entrance to the thunderboxes and the orange V4 at very L end of the cave.

The Perils of Sheryl

Congratulations to Sheryl on her 50th birthday! Sheryl was a long term committee member and president of CAWA, has managed some good trad leads outside and will be forever remembered for those and her escapades incl. that broken coccyx at Mt Frankland and that shattered ankle injury at Pk Charles.

Never affraid to climb to her limits and hang it all out on rock, rogaine and water, she now lives only a slightly more sedate life of a mother of two very sweet little girls and wife to David, another CAWA contributor and great personality. 

The party last Saturday was also a great way to see the "old CAWA" of the late 90's and catch up on all of their lives. Everyone seems to be doing well which is great to see! Unfortunately almost noone climbs any more.....except for Ishmael (nom de plume), when he is not missing both arms :o) or trying to run away from other people.

The Kalbarri Diary

Friday 10am: packing; checked the weather and forecast for weekend is fine. Looking forward to some action at Four Ways. 5pm: met my new friends Rick and Pauline, later stuck on Alexander Drive in peak hour trafic. Rick and I talk continuously for 4 hours. 9pm: Due to continuous talking I miss the 70kph speed sign in Dongara, the blue light disco appears in rear mirror and I generously contribute $150 to the government. 11:30: We arrive at Kalbarri. It seems everybody is camping at the edges of our designated area, with a big empty hole in the middle. The French contingent is all piled into one small corner. Maybe we English smell.
Saturday 8am: rain starts, so much for the forecast. 10am: Remi returns from reccy with news that the rangers have closed the Z-Bend road. I want to slash my veins but cannot find knife. Pauline tells me off and says to be positive. 11am: We go to some place on the coast, it has a huge overhang which stays dry. Eric, Phillip and I try to boulder in it, succeeding only in getting filthy. Mario shows me a weird yoga pose. I discover the joys of planking and fall in love with the pointless stupidity of it.  1pm: having overpriced Eggs Benedict in some ersatz cafe, still raining. 2pm: racing around in dodg'em cars, 5 minutes of pure fun, everybody enjoys ramming everybody else, esp. Dena  3pm: rain briefly stops and we play minigolf. I win, Dena second, Gerry third, everybody else goof around led by Mario who plays minigolf like elephants ballet dance. It rains again. 5pm: we briefly visit the "Kalbarri Prawn and Canoe Show" and watch the air guitar competition. I still cannot find the knife. 9pm: Eric and Rick debate the joys of academic careers, I spend 10 minutes explaining to Brian that yes, planking is easy, stupid, pointless and dangerous...and that's the whole point of it. I don't think I got through his defences.
Sunday 8am: It raned heavily through the night and everything is soaked. Huddling under the tarp and studying forecast on Phillips's laptop. Today is forecast to be fine until late, Monday is forecast to rain. 9am: Most of us pack up tents and tarp, all of us head off to the climbing 9:30am We discover that the road to the Z-Bend is still closed, until Monday. 10am We arrive at Hawk's Head, my umpteenth visit here. The goats and marsupials flee and the crag is turned into a hive of large-mammal activity. No hard climbs. I find a new line R of Short'n'Sweet and claim it for the Queen.  some time later Due to knife still missing I solo three grade 14s out of sheer boredom, but no luck, remaining alive. 1pm I watch Rick do the slowest lead ever, covering 14 metres in 50 minutes, complaining about tricky gear while placing 342 cams and 47 nuts. 2:30pm We sensible ones depart for Perth while Remi, Brian et. al. head back to camp to try their luck in the forecast Monday rainstorm. 9pm: back in Perth, slightly deaf. 
Monday: Clear blue skies in Kalbarri, all day. Remi and team head out to the Promenade where Brian almost redpoints Homophobia(28). Me and six other Kalbarri dropouts are in Mountain Quarry. Loic leads Hang Ten, I do some warm-ups and then work on my project Star Wars. In the evening I unpack gear and find the knife. Too late.

Feuerpix

Thanks to Tracy for sending me some pics of Karl's and my fire performance on Fri 13th at the Hangout.

Mild at Heart

Another Sunday at Statham's. Pistol Pete had a bung shoulder and my fingers need a break so we took it easy and cruised some of the beginner routes. Just to make things a bit more interesting and train the head a bit I did an onsight solo of The Book (13X) and Flyleaf (14X). There is no purer form of climbing than soloing on sight. One could call it bouldering but the business goes on for 10m so I don't think so. The guidebook ratings don't have the "X" in them as when I was writing it up I did not realise these climbs had no gear!! They are a testament that what the 60's climbers did not have in sticky rubber and bolts, they made up in balls. I'd be keen to hear from anyone who climbed (i.e. soloed) Preface (16X), another rig bereft of protection and with a shithouse landing to boot. I'll think I will toprope that one first.

Fri 13th Monsters

To finish off the rolling boldering comp, last Friday The Hangout chucked a Fri 13th Monster Party, with free bouldering and pizza. I took the kiddies along for a bit of fun and contributed to the mayhem with some fire spinning of single and double staff, while Karl did his stuff (much faster) with poi and clubs. To see Karl juggle up to five flaming clubs was astounding......I think most people do not fully realise that fire juggling is basically done blindly as you are so blinded by the flames that you cannot see the handles you are supposed to catch.

There are many pics on the Hangout facebook site and I also loaded up some here. Unfortunatelly no one took pics of us doing the fire stuff, rats... Karl also won the bouldering comp, along with Jo in the chix, results here. Ugh........plug.....if you wanna get some fire gear then visit my sister's home page at Fyregear. It's all lovingly made right here in Perth by my brother in law. There is a crowd of lunatics that play with fire every Tue evening in Hyde Park and even an annual festival called SpunOut, also here. Yep, there is a whole world of this stuff out there :)

Pics from Esperance

Some pics from Easter in Esperance. The camera mostly stayed in the bag, so busy we were climbing.

Adam Ondra

Check out Adam Ondra, the best sport climber on the planet, doing maybe its hardest route, here. It is graded 5.15b (9b), that would be Australian grade 36 (if there was such a thing). I am blown away by the memory of the man (he moves like he has been doing this climb all his life but he sent it in 8 tries!!) and the speed with which he moves....so little energy is wasted.....he even skips every second clip.

Cooking Up a Duststorm

You know that there is a serious amount of cleaning to be done when you see someone jugging a fixed line with gardening tools attached to their harness. It took a solid 8 hours of hard work to clean another moderate line in Mountain Quarry, Equilibrium (20m, 18). ....No chipped holds but a helluva lot of cleaned ones. This time the earthy antics involved a hoe (of the gardening variety), as well as the usual crowbar, pickhammer, wirebrush and dustbrush. Unlike my previous spot of extreme gardening Turbodiesel Excavator of 3 months ago, this one involved heaving off not loose rock but a mountain of dirt covering the finishing ledge. Yay. The result was worth it though, with a good balanced climb nicely sustained at an absorbing moderate grade. The stonking fixed hangers are sure to bring punters swarming...unless the winter rains refill the buckets with dirt.....there is only one way to find out.

After the FA me, Michal and Pistol Pete got onto Luck of the Draw (22) which I redpointed, having been on it once before, last weekend with Danilo. As drilled climbs go that is a good one, with pure gym climbing on crafted buckets near the top. I also re-RP'd my Crazy Horse (22), having slightly effed up the crux along the way. Lots of chalk on that and on TDE, a testament to the power of shade and ringbolts. It is nice to be able to put up new routes in high rent locations...this was Mountain Quarry's new route #93!! We saw a Finnish couple redpointing these two climbs, apparently they came to WA just to climb here!....this was their last day before heading home and they gave us their 13 bolt plates....no use for those things outside of Oz....nice shiny PFH 90-deg angles. Mission accomplished and a bonus loot to boot!

pics: top - Michal does 2nd RP of E, bottom - the world's least attentive belayer below LOTD.

Banff Festival

This year's road version of the Banff festival did not disappoint. On the flipside, there was the susual boring mountain biking, this time with heavy editing, "groovy music" and special effects resulting in "dudes on bikes" leaping out of the cornfields of Saskatchewan. 20 minutes of that. Aaargh. The maddest video clip was about suicidal Yanks in kayaks, trying their hardest to break their backs by sailing these things down enormous waterfalls and ocassionally succeeding. The winning lunatic managed to survive a 55 metre waterfall. Somehow I feel that he will go for more.

Clearly in the mad hatter category was cross country snowboarding, It was cleverly done and I think it requires no further comment. The beard-growing movie of a bloke walking across China was also very cleverly done and it bloody well had to be to make that into an extreme sport. The 20 minute short on caving featured head squeezes so tight that I felt an obstetrician should have been present, perhaps along with a psychologist. I certainly know where to go for my fix of claustrophobia next time, or maybe not.

For the finals short, last year we had the very nice yet utterly deranged soloing of Dean Potter. This year we had another very nice and completely mad individual, the alpine climbing machine Ueli Steck. Very meticulous, obsessive, Swiss and super fit, he has all the ingredients to be at the top of his specialty.....this being speed soloing of classic alpine routes. Last year he set his sights on The North Face of the Eiger (previously cast in the movies Nordwand and Eiger Sanction), an undertaking that used to take 3 days originally. Messner (there is a good article with the big M in the June issue of Rock &Ice which just arrived in my letter box)  whittled this down to 10 hours some 30 years ago and Steck got it down to 2 hours and three quarters.

Now in the light of what the speedclimbers have been doing to the Nose for the last decade or so (Florine, Potter, Honnold etc.) this may not appear to be so shocking.....except that the man was climbing SOLO and on a combination of crap rock, ice and snow, all subject to rockfall.........not solid Yosemite granite with a partner and using running belays while simulclimbing. So it was basically effing totally mindblowing. And worrying. If he keeps this up for long enough he may end up going the way of Yabbo, Bachar, Lacelle and Humar but luckily he seems very aware of this possibility and does desire to grow old. As do we, in our armchairs, in front of our computers.....look people, in 100 years we will all be dead, so if a man chooses his mode of death and is prepared to accept its accelerated nature, then who are we to criticise? Steck is pure motivation. Which is what the Banff festival is all about!

The Luckiest of Bays

At first, driving  for almost 9 hours to go to a 28 m rock seemed like a daft idea. It turned out to be the best daft idea I've had for a while. Lucky Bay in Cape Le Grand national park east of Esperance is the campground that has it all. Fantastic camping, superb views, great climbing within 10 minutes walk, snorkelling, no flies....and if one is so inclined then the cafes and restaurants of Esperance are just 40 min away.

Rob and Ed have been the chief developers at the Kangaroo Rock mother lode, with 12 splendid routes in place when we arrived. We quickly realised that there was much more potential and added 9 new climbs, one at KP and 8 elsewhere, 6 of them trad. I was there mostly with my mate Ironwoman, pictured on the new bolted route Silhouette (18), but a few other characters drifted in an out over the 4 days: Ash, Peter and partners, Michal the Polish climber/surfie and a couple of toprope wombats from Esperance. The late afternoon snorkelling was nice, with the water reasonably warm and air temperatures over 30C (luckily most of the climbing is in the shade). We saw a manta ray and were followed by large schools of fish who must have mistaken us for seals, whales or holiday makers in wetsuits. I suspect this place will develop much further, hopefully with some respect and sensitivity to the area as modelled by Rob and Ed. Brilliant!

 

In Flue Enzed

It was a weird day for me at The Hangout yesterday evening. The warm-up traverse seemed a bit difficult, then I did the #4 boulder problem from last week OK, but only just, with much shaking. Then I failed to hold the last hold on another #4, one which I onsighted last week (the R-most edge "tufa"). Then I failed on the last move of a #3 which I onsighted AND downclimbed last week and for several weeks before. My grip would just open up and I could not hang on. What was going on? Have I got weaker or fatter or more useless in one week? I was getting angry with myself.

And then in dawned on me.....it was the bloody flue shot I had at work in the morning, I was having some kind of strength response to it. Much happier, I settled for easier problems and did some toproping with Francis, not fussed about hanging on problems which I have flashed many times before.

The point is, there is nothing like having a good excuse. As someone said to me once, it is most critical to have a good excuse, something or someone to blame........for women it tends to be men b.t.w. :). If this fails, you have to blame yourself, and that is the pits.

Unfortunately this particular excuse will be put to a test next week....I wonder how long the flue shot after-effect can feasibly linger on........   :) :)

Made in the Shade

On a hot morning, the premium Perth destination is Mountain Quarry, with the Black Bay, Mullup Buttress and the Main Wall all in the shade and offering many climbs of all grades. So it is at the Main Wall where Peter, Danilo and I met at 8am on the Sunday morning. We warmed up on Sex, Cigarettes and Chardonnay (19), which I led in one 45m long pitch. The top edge is a matter of technique, which was not quite with me. Although I redpointed the thing, it was kinda ugly and Peter then showed us how it is done properly i.e. with grace instead of grim power.

After this we all led Neil's Outrage (22) which I flashed after watching Danilo and Peter's redpoints. The potential for a swinging fall kept up my motivation. The crux has superb moves but the whole experience suffers greatly from the loose massive blocks lurking at the start. Since my own climb Rage (23) shares the same anchors, we all did a clean toprope of it. You have to love (or hate) this route, with perhaps the most exasperating ground start to any climb in Perth. There is not one pull down hold until the ledge at 4m and the lack of chalk higher up indicates that most punters get sorted out by it. We then warmed down on Inside Out (19). The bolted-on expoxy holds have lasted in the sun for nine years so far, I wonder how much longer. Whatever you may think of the start, the top-out is a beauty. At this stage we ran out of shade and headed home.

Battle of the Bouldering Walls

In case you have not noticed and I am sure you have, there is battle of bouldering walls under way between Rockface and the Hangout.

In the red corner, the Hangout. Under new management which actually understands and enjoys climbing, the outside of the bouldering cave has been transformed into a maze of brightly coloured tags with numbers on them, scoring the difficulty of problems from 1 to 6, in several colours. There is an ongoing bouldering competition, the lighting is repaired and there is a decent new cover on the crash matts. The crowds thronging the matts attest to the management hitting the right note. Speaking of which, the music could be improved? This is the one thing where I still  miss Pascal's old gym in Jolimont (like 12 years ago). Being French, the man understood that music = atmosphere.

In the blue corner, The Rockface. There used to be one struggling evaporative air conditioner supplemented by a forest of fans, resulting in much wind, a great hair blowdry and a headache. This is now replaced by five evaporative aircon units which actually do keep the place nice and cool!! Yay. In the last few weeks the bouldering cave gained a new coat of paint and a collection of nice bouldering problems. These do not rely on tape marks but on colour of the holds, just like for the leads. The black V4 on the left of the cave is a great one to try and super awkward....you could call it twisted! Yes I got it, ha! Speaking of grades, the place purports to use the V-grade system but with V0 set at about the Aus 16 and V4 set at about 23, the resemblance is purely aesthetic (V0 is actually about 21 and V4 is about 25). It may be better just to stick with 0,1,2,3.... as the "V" is just going to confuse punters and then annoy them when they struggle with e.g. a real V2 on rock. On the other hand it makes sense to have some grading for easy problems and negative numbers are just silly. Of course this is just semantics and makes not one iota of difference to the enjoyment. Apparently Logan set many of the problems and they seem pretty good.

I was at the Hangout on Saturday and at The Rockface on Sunday so thanks to both places for organising a good time for us all!

The Itinerant Climber @ Bangkok

I have been stuck in Bangkok for a week now. This sweaty armpit of a crowded, noisy and polluted concreted-over coastal swamp is about as attractive to rock climbers as the Sahara dessert is to downhill skiers.  The climbing guides should say what the Lonely Planet says about my home town in the Czech Republic - there is no reason why you should go here. However, work calls and I go...... 'twas Sunday and boredom set in.

I quick serch on the internerd revealed that there were basically two climbing options: The Big C supermarket at Lad Prao where a column is erected in the middle of the shopping mall and The Racquet Club in Sukhumvit on Soi 49. Fond as I am of attention, climbing in a shopping mall did not appeal. The entry to the RC is 600 baht or $20, which is pretty reasonable as for this price you get day access to all the facilities including the climbing gym, weights gym, lots of step and cycle machines, a swimming pool and of course many squash and badminton courts.

There was a serious fly in this ointment though: the climbing gym is not air-conditioned. In 33C heat and close to 100% humidity this turned out to be something of a problem. There is a decent bouldering cave so I headed there for a warm-up. I quickly discovered that T-shirt is to be kept ON. I pointed the one and only fan into the cave and began the warmup. A Thai dude sauntered over and introduced himself as "Johnny". It turned out that he worked there and the club entry price includes a free belayer so I was set for some topropes on the plywood walls. "Johnny" then suggested that maybe I should try to do some leads on the superb overhanging tower made from sculpted fibreglass panels. Luckily the entry fee also turned out to include a free rental of a rope and 8 draws. This tower was far better than anything in Perth so I quickly succumbed to temptation.

I first led an 18-ish route up the vertical right side and was OK with it. The air near the top was so hot I had to recover for a while, while another dude, a Frenchman called Angel (really) flew up to the sky on the toprope I set up. I then had a go at a steeply overhanging thing around gr. 20, where I managed a double heel hook before tackling a tricky overlap and onsighting the thing. Now the heat was becoming serious problem and I was beginning to feel like an egg in the frying pan. I lay comatose on the mat while Angel and a couple of Canadians gratefully hopped on the toprope I put up. The next line to the left looked harder, about 22-23. I got about two thirds of the way up before I melted down. That was me done. In the change room I looked startlingly white and I recon I escaped heat stroke by a whisper. I headed to the lap pool to cool down and relax. Back to work on Monday, yay.

2 Noo Rootz at Wilyz

Having got tired of the painting'n'ikea-fuelled son's bedroom renovation olympics, it was time to pack up the rack and couple of gullible friends and head for da rok. Hence I was up at the ungodly hour of 5am on Saturday and then zip down the Wilyabrup Expressway, stop in North Bunbury along the way to pick up Ange, with Pistol Pete in charge of the Urban Assault Vehicle (UAV being way cooler than SUV), nicely painted white in the United Nations camouflage. Having to listen to the 80s hitparade was a small price to pay for all this fun.

On Saturday I fired bolts into rock just like in Cliffhanger while dangling by the other hand. They were of the youth-approved Australian Standard super-safe-mum-would-love-them ring variety featuring added ribs for hightened sensation and pleasure. Due to heat, some nude swimming ensued in the pond south of the rocks, with one sneaky wave almost taking us all out at once. This caused some consternation as being found drowned dead is one thing but being found drowned dead AND naked is just plain tacky.

At the The Settler Legs tavern  a quality feed  was procured for a bargain price. I was then made to watch TV at Pete's Palace, some whodunit thing on ABC about nice folksy village people hell bent on gruesomely murdering each other out of existence. Fully relaxed I slept like a baby, except without waking up every three hours to have my nappies changed. But I will get there one day too, give it 3 or 4 decades. 

On Sunday I flashed the dirty deeds while sustaining verbal cross fire from Sargeant-Major, the local abseiling commander, who somehow came to the conclusion that I have retrobolted a grade nine chimney. Arguments about the new climb being grade 21 and not in the chimney at all washed of his back like the flood levy off a Liberal politician. At least he bogged off when nicely asked to do so but not before I decked out when a hold broke off before I could clip the first bolt. This elicited a parting chuckle from Sargeant-Major who then diverted further verbosity to his hapless minions who actually paid for the experience. They did have some luck though as the resident poisonous snake living two thirds up Hope was not at home.

After the new routes we all went up Stainless Steel which has so much chalk on it that Blind Freddy could read it like a Braille Trail by grip alone. Then we all had a go at Acid Didj which, being one of the five or so hardest climbs at Wilys, is somewhat crimpy. Pistol Pete managed a clean toprope on his second try but I was nowhere near it. The moves were all there but the rig is so sustained that this wee 190lb monster has to mean up a a bit further and re-grow some fingertips. A spot of beach drinking ensued later, when we all realised just how un-Australian it is not to have twist tops on stubbies. Bloody yuppies. Then back to Perth. Pics here, they are all of the two new climbs and taken with my new mobile phone so the quality is crap, but better some camera than no camera....

...and on a lighter note....

A man was crossing the road one day, when a frog called out to him and said: “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”.  He bent over, picked up the frog and put it into his pocket.

The frog spoke again, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you for one week.” The man took the frog out of the pocket, smiled at it and placed it back in his pocket.

The frog cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I’ll stay with you and do anything you want !” Again, the man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and placed it back in his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What’s the matter with you ? I’ve told you that I am a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want. Why don’t you kiss me??”

The man replied, “Look, I am a sportclimber©, I train every night and don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool !”

*******

An experienced hardman™ was sent a young grade-25-on-sight sportclimber© by mutual friends, to give him some “big-wall” experience.

When they were busy setting up for a lead, he gave the young fella a lead rack with the polite question if he would like to lead this easy grade 17 crack.

“F&*k off, I climb hard 25 on sight !!” the young fella was indignant.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think” apologised the hardman™, taking the rack, ”....look, this is how you use it.”

Natimuk Flooding

Climbers heading to Arapiles may think they are far enough from Queensland to be unaffected by the flooding. Think again. The nearest town Natimuk has been reportedly partly flooded (it lies on a junction of two creeks) due to heavy rainfall in the area. So much for the dry Wimmera.

...and what is happenning in Queensland? So far there has been no mention on the telly of the dreaded G word, greenhouse effect. For a couple of decades now scientists have been predicting that global warming will make extreme weather such as the La Nina rain making event (preceded by years of drought due to its mate El Nino) more common and more severe. To counter that, for years now we have had the coal industry and the Libs ranting on about the cost of the carbon tax to the economy and scuttling any (however feeble minded) attempts to impose it. Well - how about the cost of the Queensland flooding to the economy? Who pays for that? In a master stroke of karma, the coal mines are now flooded too, full of contaminated toxic water that cannot be drained. Maybe after the waters recede and some sensible root cause analysis is concluded, we may see some action on the common sense front and stop digging and burning coal (yes, it is not that simple) and get the frigging carbon tax going. Or we may just see lots of words and more dams and politicians walking around with sand buckets on their heads.

For when all is said and done, a lot more gets said than done.

Transformer

It takes a special kind of madness to go bolting, to hang alone over a windy cliff while your friends are enjoying a day cragging somewhere else. Because I am extra mad, on this last holiday I did this twice. First at Mount Frankland where I put up Stoned Alone, an 80m two-pitch climb that goes at grades 15 and 18. The second pitch is an interesting edgy vertical face. This will be listed in the soon-to-come Mount Frankland miniguide.

However the creme brulee was the second climb - Transformer at Peak Head. Jon Gregg and I have spotted the line some 12 years ago when we onsighted the classic trad adventure Power of the Old Land on the South Face. We even played around on the toprope on what is now pitch two, unable to progress. With almost no gear at the bottom, the climb clearly needed bolts. Equally clearly it was in a "no bolting zone" so we just let it be and forgot about it. Things changed late in 2009 when the bolting situation eased off with new rules permitting fixed gear. Just after Christmas I charged out onto the route, rapped, toproped and bolted the two top pitches. The bottom one required an 8m bolt ladder with seven bolts to surmount an unclimbable bulge, reminding me of Yosemite. After this pitch was completed I ran out of battery juice and played around on some free moves below it, unsucessfully again. Tigervet and I returned a couple of days later and claimed the two pitches free, at grades 19 and 13.

So I did the line, but only some of it. The adventure was incomplete. In my mind, a proper climb does not start from a ledge half way up a wall, it is far better if it starts from a terrace and there was only one such terrace, the Stirling Terrace. From there start the classics Power of the Old Land, Farewell to Arms and On the Lee Side. So one week ago I was back, dangling 100 metres down a static rope, trying to figure out a sequence of holds on the hopelessly underfeatured wall left of POTOL. The only way to get started was a sickle shaped undercling flake so I went for it. Strenuous but not too hard and rather secure. This led to a decent stance. The wall above was a puzzle of small crimpy holds, a vertical jigsaw puzzle of awkward grips stretching for about six metres. It went! The moves above were straight forward. Pitch two turned out to be a pure traverse for the first half. Unlike 12 years and one year ago, this time I tried a different variation, traversing further to the left. To my surprise this went also! The Makita whirred into action and ring bolts were sunk to make the whole experience enjoyable.

Two days later I mobilised Phillip and together we did the whole thing ground up. I fell on pitches (i) and (ii) on my first try and then redpointed them second go. Phillip then did pitch (iii) and I did the "victory cruise" pitch (iv). And so there it was, 12 years in the making, the longest climb on Peak Head and quite probably the best route I will ever do. The four pitches go at 23, 22, 19M1 and 13. A very happy new year indeed!  Route topo and description here.

Southern Bound

I am going way down south, way down where a man can be free! Hey Joe. Yeah. Tis the season to head into the cold drizzlly and windy coastline while Perth swelters in the heat and flies. Uncle Don's orchard becons with its long grass, fruity trees, wonky shower and weird and fabulous denizens. I should be there on the 30th, via a tiny detour through...somewhere else. The Makita is primed and ready to roll. I yam heading for the good time, yee haw. Come along, singa song, grow a beard and stop shaving yer armpits, 'tis them holidayze. See you on the rock and happy noo year!!

Eleven

Very happy, managed to climb 4 lines on Saturday and 7 on Sunday, eleven climbs in one weekend....have not done that for a while. The weather was great on both days and no one at the crags but us and a couple of others. Saturday afternoon was the perfect time to be at Churchmans, nice and shady. Pistol Pete did a good job leading Super Slab (20) and I did my only second ever redpoint of Pinball (21). The Bite seems to have a trail going up it, must bring nasty chemical poison next time.

Stathams quarry was the place to be on Sunday morning, we did both of the Ant slab climbs and Blah. Blah, Blah for warmup (all about 16), then polished up Chain Reaction (22), Czech Mate (22), Real Life Ambition (21) and No Ordinary Determination (21) with me and The Wizz both leading. The lowlight of the day seems to be the condition of my pet route Agent de France which seems to be about to fall down... But as they say le roi est mort, vive le roi!...which is to say who knows what excitement lies behind....we must be patient.

 

Stuff Happens

Well the Perth guidebook is out and distributed, the BBQ bratwurst is eaten, the T-shirts are printed and training for the summer climbing down south is well under way.

Amids all this activity I managed to dig out a new route Turbodiesel Excavator at Mt Quarry, just left of Crazy Horse. It is bound to be wildly popular in summer as it is shady on hot days and completely abandoned in winter when it seeps water. There are some disturbing wasps at the start but they do not have a nest to defend - they just come for the two tiny water seeps and seem placid. On the day when I put this up me and Pete repeated Sylvia (... so much more relaxing to second than leading) and I led the 2007 Love Handles Tour - this has a really great 6m slabby start, a fantastic wildly exposed vertical wall in the last 10m and 20m of utter shit in the middle to join these up. Well, it's not Matt and Jim's fault, the climb is how God blasted it out of the mountain five thousand years ago. The loweroff mank is Matt and Jim's fault though, with none of that gear rated to hold a dead rat, let alone a live climber.

Tonight I went to the Hangout and fuck me crossways, it is bright again! The lights are cleaned, replaced and actually turned on and the place was packed with climbers. There was a pack of boulderers trying the new numbered problems. The "yellow #4" was crimpy. There were even Christmas decorations. Gareth  - I want to see you wear a Santa hat, go on....

After the trials of camping with the family last weekend this is the weekend to climb so I'll see you at one of the quarries. Climbing sure beats writing about it.

The Good Fight

In climbing, just like in the rest of life, being content vastly improves performance. Some of the best climbing I have done came in the periods of contentment and some of the very worst when I have been struggling with things. Unfortunately I have tended to view contentment as being successful, but success don't last. It is not meant to. It is a carrot and a poisoned one at that. Perhaps one should not seek contentment through success. Perhaps failure is an acceptable option. Trying to live up to the constant expectation of success is doomed to fail, as expectation is the mother of all disappointment.

So - as I bouldered this afternoon I embraced failure. Every time I got spat out I smiled a bit more. The battle did not diminish in intensity, my grin just got larger. In climbing, just like in the rest of life, one faces the constant puzzle of how to go forward. Like this, or like that. Often, one makes the wrong choice and fucks up.

But what if it is not important to win, but to put up the best possible good fight? Then, one can be truly content, whether the outcome is success or failure. This attitude gives total control over the outcome, as it simply does not matter. With this attitude, once the best fight is fought, one can move on to the next good fight, without moaning, with contentment and with an even larger grin.

Perhaps if a life well lived is a life well fought, then the inevitable failure at the end can be greeted with contentment too? :)

WA-CD-01

Last Sunday the new start-up Bob Gnarly Developments Pty Ltd opened up a 12 months exploration lease in its new permit WA-CD-01 (Carrot Damnation field), with a preliminary 3D survey. Several lines were set up and explored and a wildcat anchor was drilled.

The prospects are all subject to approval as per published regulation. Following this approval, development drilling can be expected in the near future. The project is expected to enrich the state of Western Australia's climbing and contribute temporary unpaid jobs to several local personalities.

For more information, get involved.

Gareth's Wall

I walk in. A large shaven-headed man covered with tats and a black tee shirt looms behind the cash register. Could this be a robbery?

He-ey, Rosco! 

Hey, Gareth, how is it?

Well, it's a bit of a change, let me tell you!

There is maybe half a wrinkle above the eyebrows revealing a minor concern: what did I let myself in for here? The rest of the face is smiling happy. Yep, Gareth and Tracey have taken over The Hangout. After the stellar management by Raph and Melissa, and then a sucession of absent owners with a run-it-down-to-the-ground philosophy, the "under new management" sign is out again. New but certainly not naive. Both G&T know much as much about the climbing business as anyone.

Even as I am traversing along the base of the climbs, I cannot help but notice the colourful new Gri-gris. The music coming from the speakers is Massive Attack, followed by similar chillout numbers. Somehow, it seems more relaxing now. Sure, if I fall in the wrong spot I may still end up with a mattress spring up my arse, the back left corner is so dingy it is more suitable for caving than climbing and the holds have so much skin grease on them that you could supply a soap factory for weeks. Yet somehow, it all does not seem to matter any more. Where there is a will, there is a way. The future seems bright. 

If yer a CAWA member, for only $7 you can climb all November for as long as you want. More money for cheese!

Last Weekend

It was great to get out climbing on both days. On Saturday I was at Churchmans where I led The Sting, Slash and Burn and Red Giant. I love the gut wrenching topout on Red Giant. On Sunday I was at Blackwall along with Pete, Nostromo and Ishmael.

This weekend I am including Tigervet's proofreading edits into the Perth Guide which is going to the print shop on Monday, yay!

Hangout Part 2

It seems that The Hangout in Bayswater has been purchased by none other but Gareth, the ex-Rockface machine behind the Ultimate Climbing Competitions. Clearly a big man with big ideas needs a big patch of turf of his own.

Could this be the end of dim lighting, zero atmosphere and old spring mattresses? Are we up for a contest between good management at Rockface and fun management at The Hangout? If so, it could well be the one contest where everyone is a winner!

Hangout Sold

Not much is know at this stage but The Hangout climbing gym has just been sold to new owners. According to the staff, large scale upgrading is being planned. Sounds good to me...

The Grand Opening

Last Saturday I had the pleasure of unleashing my new crag Lost World onto the slightly jelaous world (OK, a few others). Kate, Neil, Tigervet and Yours Truly piled into the Xtrail at the ungodly hour of 8 am, donned paper bags and headed out bush with me driving. At the High Wycombe Macdonald's we met Kyles and Ange and headed off. Pistol Pete joined us a couple of hours later, after he finished serving free gruel breakfasts at the Sisters of Mercy Orphanage for Poor Children in Balga.

The approach walk was just 12 minutes and we were there. For once I was not lugging bolting gear and covered in glue, as this was my day to enjoy the vegetables of my labour. The easy slabs were well received, and on the harder climbs Neil whinged only a little bit. Canada toughened him up I recon. Pete got frustrated trying to free the start-aid climb The Gift (20 M0), which clearly is not for midgets, and proceeded to vent his frustration by soloing 5 easy climbs like a man posessed.  He then soloed an unclimbed grade 5 chimney next to one of the routes and demanded it to be recognised as a new route. Fat chance, I recon a hundred marsupials have been up that one before him.

Kate and I roamed the area a bit and discovered a nice rising hand rail crack a bit lower down the valley which I bouldered. That was pretty much it. Back at the Macca's we celebrated with bodybuilding thickshakes. 

Although Lost World has 14 climbs, they are all next to each other (a bit like at Boomer Crag near Pinjarra but 35 min from the Perth CBD) so it only takes 5 hours to knock over all of them. Almost all the climbs have ring bolt loweroffs so there is no faffing around at the top, much to the ants' and ticks' disappointment. Pics here. It will be in the new guidebook, out 1 December.

Oh and by the way, any carrots placed near Lost World will be removed. Do it properly, or go elsewhere.

 

Moan

I hate getting old. It is not the gray hair and wrinkles and the getting fat due to new inability to resist white Lindt Gold chocolate with almonds which is now in every Coles so it is not safe to go shopping any more, no, I could cope with all that. It is also not having to divide my time between work, house, kids, relationship, guidebook AND climbing.....when mostly what I want to do is fondle a chunk of granite in some place far away from you, the rest of the human race, no offence intended to you in particular.

No, it's my frigging back. Once upon a time, my back and me were friends: we trained, ran, cycled, swam, and did lots of cool things together and like with many good relationships, I took it for granted.

Then it had gone bad. Since May 2009 it has been an absolute pain in the ....well, back. It stops me from overhanging climbing, hates twisting, and its last tantrum was two weeks ago when at the Rockface I was topping out a nice 19 lead which was overhanging and twisting and whooopie! Five days later I got out of bed and while bending down to put on socks I got completely floored by a back spasm. Evolution is not a good way to design anything and the spine is far worse than rest of this rig.

What to do? Any ideas? I would love to dedicate my life to Yoga or Pilates but there seems to be a guidebook that needs writing and wait...then there is the rest of my life as outlined above. Mind you when your back goes the rest does not seem to amount to much. So if you have any magic cures I'd like to hear of them. Sure, time cures all....in fact give it about 50 years and I will have no more back troubles. But in the meantime, I have rocks to climb, crags to develop, alpine adventures to have and I really don't need this.

What is going on with the medical profession? We have had heart replacement surgery available decades ago, eye lasers, IVF and whatnot and they still can't replace discs for goodness sake. When I go and see an orthopedic specialist I get this "you must stop climbing, it's bad for you" spiel. Of course he has never climbed and has no idea what he is saying. All I want to do is grab him...... and it is always him, men love giving advice, especially the ones with fancy qualifications....... by the neck, shake him around and say "hey, Dr PhD Postdoc Specialist Smart Arse, I did not come here for lifestyle advice, I came here for you to fix me". But no, the prick smartly looks at MRI scans for 3 seconds, gives no explanation and says "mmm...you should stop climbing". When I politely explain to him what he can do with the well considered advice and those MRI scans he gets all agitated. Then I get charged a few hundred dollars for the experience. Doctors are wankers.

So, one must fix oneself. Any ideas?